A rotting lily

That droopy, stringy lily disintegrating below all the beautiful, thriving ones? That’s me. One of its petals literally fell off while I was drafting that sentence. So very me lately.

I went searching for a Psalm to lift my wilted mood, and this is what I found - 

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,

  so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.

Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!

  Replace the evil years with good. (Psalm 90:14-15, New Living Translation)

To be completely fair, I also found this just a few lines above - 

You sweep people away like dreams that disappear

 or like grass that springs up in the morning.

In the morning it blooms and flourishes,

  but by evening it is dry and withered (Psalm 90:6-7, NLT)

But I’m choosing to dwell on verses 14-15 for no reason in particular. Random selection. Coin toss, really.

I won’t get into why I’m dry and withered (ack! wrong verse). No one wants to read about 4 illnesses in 24 days (10 in 24 if you count immediate family), constant churn at work, 4 straight weekends of travel activity, plus an overdue garage purge. So I won’t mention it.

What I will say is that satisfaction, joy, & gladness are distant lands to me this morning.

But you know what isn’t distant? What surrounds me & presses upon me like the sun’s warmth on my skin here on this patio? God’s unfailing love. U n f a i l i n g. That love made a Way to escape my “former misery” of gratifying myself at others’ expense. I don’t have to be that person anymore. Praise the Lord I am free to be His child! If (and when) I return to that person for a moment, His love rescues me yet again. And again and again without fail. Thank you, good Father. I will sing you joyful thanks to the end of my days for sweeping away my evil years. You replaced them with good. You are replacing them even now amidst sickness, chaos, and mess. I know it. I see it when I look. I believe it because You Are.

I hope this little window into my heart blesses you today, friends & family. God loves you.

(PS An hour later, there’s nothing left of the lily but a few stamens. I won’t read too much into that.)